It should come as no surprise to anyone that I'm not doing so great these days. I know, I know it's seasonal @#$%!ing depression. I know no one "feels good" during the winter months. I know I go through this every year. I hit a new low yesterday when I didn't crawl out of bed until 11:30am then promptly played solitaire on the computer for countless hours. I mean countless.hours. I didn't eat. I didn't shower. I sat and played solitaire. At 6 pm I finally took a shower only to put on clean pajamas. I did manage to put the computer down and pick up some stitching eventually, but I'd still consider it a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. It's as if I was a checklist for depression: loss of appetite? check. loss of interest in hobbies? check. fatigue? check. lack of interest in daily activities? check.
I know how to fix all of this. Run. Eat real foods at "normal" times. Get more sleep. Drink less. Pursue meaningful relationships. Do things that bring me joy.
Guess what?
I don't want to do it. Any of it. I know it will make me feel better. But right now it not only feels overwhelming, it feels pointless. It's a self-perpetuating downward spiral.
It's kind of the bitch of the whole thing. There is nothing anyone can do or say to make me feel better. I need to pull myself out of this. I will. I just seem to keep getting in my own way.
Things that don't suck right now include:
planning for the Chicago weekend
braised lamb shanks with saffron risotto
The Hobbit
feather stitches in shades of pink
Wholphin
taking all my breaks at work
J Lohr on sale at Meijer for $11.99
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