erin just needs to stop

Why is it on Saturdays when I work I always start off in a great mood and by the end of the day can't stand to talk to anyone? Oh, I know! It's because working with the public can be challenging!

Ahem.

Yesterday I watched 2 documentaries--both for work. The first was called The Power of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil. It's the first movie we're showing for the sustainability series and obviously I wanted to view it before 100% committing to it. It's pretty good. Low production values, but a nice explanation of how Cuba handled their post-USSR energy crisis. They learned to ride bikes. They learned to live without airconditioning. They learned to garden in urban areas. They learned the importance of wind and solar power. Completely no-brainer things we should all be doing. It was short, succinct, and I think it's a great piece to show here.

The second one I watched was What a Way to Go: life at the end of empire . Why I thought this was going to be uplifting and a good idea to watch on a gorgeous March afternoon, I have no idea. The first 45 minutes I furiously textmessaged Peter: "We're so fucked" "Capitalism needs growth to sustain itself which in turn requires increased production of fossil fuels which are about to hit their peak and only continue to destroy the planet." "Having kids isn't just selfish. It's irresponsible especially in this great country of ours."

That was the first 45 minutes.
It was a 2 hour documentary.

After an hour I thought it best for me to get outside in the sunshine and go for a run. A most excellent idea.

I felt the way I did after watching Bush's War. I've always considered myself an environmentalist. I have 36 leaves on my facebook page for chrissake. I don't own a car, I practically had a nervous breakdown when the farmers market ended because I was so committed to shopping locally, I don't shop at big chains (The Acres of Thrift does not count for obvious reasons), I live small--really really small, I buy clothes second hand, I mean, I thought I GOT it.

I didn't really get it. Because this whole time? I kept thinking someone's going to solve this problem for us. The politicians, the UN, the scientists, SOMEONE was going to step in and say "ENOUGH! You people are completely out of control! You can no longer continue to consume at the rate you've been consuming!" And in the meantime I thought I'd just start trying to reduce consumption anywhere I could. No one's going to solve this. We have to solve it. And all these cute little lifestyle things I've been doing are the solution. I spent the afternoon stressed out about plankton shells and rising acidity levels in the oceans and overpopulation and feeling guilty for driving to VT in May and reconciling my love for cities yet knowing cities are part of the problem and wondering if I really honestly could live off the grid and desperately wanting a computer but knowing I don't need it and just wanting to live smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller.

After that was over, for fun, I decided to throw in The Party's Over, a nice little documentary about the 2000 election. I only got about 20 minutes in before Peter came home from work and led me away from the tv.

We spent the evening far far away from reality watching the first 3 episodes of the original Star Trek series.

The only reason I know I'm not losing my mind is that crazy people usually don't recognize they're going crazy and as I feel fairly insane these days with my crowded head full of Rumsfeld and Basra and carbon footprints and what 4000 dead looks like and yurts and guilt and anxiously awaiting a chapbook and how hot William Shatner was when that show started, I know I'll be okay.

This is my normal.