It’s just so November around here. I can feel it deep in my bones and down in my brain. Despite it being my birthmonth, I’m finding this November to be a bitch. I’d like to smack her around a little, but every time I raise my hand she strikes me first. At work. At home. Everywhere I go it seems November just wants me to lose.
I am really looking forward to December.
In the meantime, I’m trying everything I know to yank myself out of this seemingly endless cycle of feeling like I cannot win. I’m running consistently. I’m eating better. I’m trying to be a better sleeper. I’m slowing down. I’m making lists. I’m crossing things off. I’m taking my vitamins. I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I’m a complete and utter failure at just about everything I do and I’m trying to change what is obviously my completely skewed perception of reality.
Yes. I’m going to call my therapist if this continues past Thanksgiving.
But enough moping and whining! There have been a few bright spots. I took the train to Chicago where I went to SOFA and saw some amazing art and got inspired to create work. I ate sweetbreads for the first time (Good, not great, but I’d try them again), and had the best pecan roll I have ever had in my life. No. Really. It was a “Oh my LORD so THIS is what the dough is supposed to taste and feel like!” moment. I spent time with my college friend Michael Miller who, thanks to facebook, I have reconnected with and I will now be forever in facebook’s debt for bringing us back together. I read a new translation of Madame Bovary and remembered how much I like French things. I had an amazing birthday filled with a new Marushka, the discovery of Wendell Berry, a rib-eye from Salt of the Earth and some birthday shots with good friends at The Sandbar. I’m very proud of one particular hand made Christmas present that is thiiis close to being done. I’m excited to make my very first turkey next Thursday. The apartment is getting a good fall cleaning which makes me beyond happy. Christmas in Vermont is not far away.
I know I am lucky. I know I am blessed. I know this November will soon be over and I need to focus on those moments where things do come together and life is good and I am reminded the single most important thing is the interactions I am fortunate enough to have with the people in my life.
But November?
Watch your back.
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